I Got Here On My Own
Click bait worthy title, eh? 🙂
That’s what I thought after I read the article from the Harvard Biz Review with the lead in comment, “Women who have already made it to the top say that the only person who will get you there is yourself.” I found this utterly misleading and the article missing many of the important areas, proving this incorrect. We are highly critical of women and we’re uncomfortable with women’s ambition, (which the article did lightly touch on.) The author didn’t capture how much women require sponsors and mentors or, as the article also touched on, it’s important to know when to ignore all the conflicting criticism and feedback we receive.
On the job, the average women will hear she is too ambitious, not ambitious enough, too young, too old, too blunt, not blunt enough, dresses too sexy, not sexy enough, doesn’t say yes, needs to learn to say no, needs to stand up for herself, needs to stand down, needs to speak up, needs to sit down….
I think you get the idea. The amount of double-speak that women receive is enough to drive anyone insane. We’re just less critical of men. We let men be…well, themselves. We’re just more accepting of what their skills and limitations are.
Adding to this, women are taught from a young age to second guess themselves. How many of us, after coming to a decision, were told, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” When stating we were interested in a young man, how often were we asked to give him a chance? How often were we told, “You don’t know what you want.” ? Women are taught from a young age that they should seek out other’s opinion, as theirs is rarely accepted as they grow up. A man is accepted at his word, but a woman, very little to none.
The article could have built out how the women made it on their own. No one deserves credit for what they have accomplished, but to be gracious to those that support us, through mentoring, sponsorship and networking is essential. To then acknowledge how important it is that each of these women found their “voice.” To know that they trusted themselves, believed in their path and followed their own decisions in the end. As I owe so much of my career to my mentors, sponsors and network. I’ve had an incredible combination of luck, skill, determination and people in my life, but to say I made it on my own is different than giving credit to others, as it is to say I was the only person who got me there and to not acknowledge the double-speak that women receive. Know your voice, trust yourself and distinguish the complexities.
