Returning to the Oracle Community: Speaking Up, Holding Strong

Recently, I re-entered the Oracle community as a speaker, and I won’t lie, I felt some anxiety. I’d been away from the Oracle keynote stage for a while, focusing on building solutions, working in spaces that welcomed me, and doing what so many long-term women in tech have had to do: protect our energy, guard our sanity, and rebuild when too many small harms have added up.

So, when I was asked to keynote not one, but several Oracle events, I was humbled. These weren’t just recycled talks-they were opportunities to create something meaningful. I don’t do canned keynotes. I talk with organizers, learn about their audience, understand the vibe they want for their event, and then I craft something that aligns. A keynote should set the tone, not just fill a slot.

Speaking Again, But Not from Where I Left Off

I’ve only done two keynotes so far back in the Oracle community, and I’ll be real: I felt the tension. Not from the content. Not from the audiences, but from the pressure that every woman who’s been in tech 20+ years feels.

Women leave tech at an alarming rate, many by the age of 35. I’ve seen it firsthand in mentoring relationships. It’s rarely a single blow-it’s what I’ve referred to for years as the death by a thousand cuts. Microaggressions, inappropriate interactions, missed promotions, credit stolen, assumptions made, all add up to cause women to leave. Those who do stay adapt by becoming battle-worn warriors, ready to fight at every slight, or they become relentlessly cheerful, swallowing the pain behind the scenes. I’ve seen/been both. And in 2018, after far too many cuts, I stepped back. I didn’t vanish or anything, I just protected myself, choosing to dig into the work I was doing and invest in communities that supported me.

Gratitude and Grounding

I’ve built lasting friendships in every tech community I’ve been part of. I’ve continued speaking, teaching, and building. When someone reaches out with an opportunity to contribute to something meaningful, I still say yes, no matter if it’s technical or advocacy…if it’s a place where I’m valued.

But even now, the toxicity hasn’t disappeared and that I had to deal with it so soon is rather depressing.

When Support Turns Into Scrutiny

Before a recent event, I learned that someone had attempted to get me removed from a keynote lineup. They filed a complaint with the upcoming event, claiming I had “aired dirty laundry” during a previous keynote. Not only was the claim inaccurate, it also showed a lack of understanding of the topic and fundamental misunderstanding of what a keynote is.  The main complaint was that I didn’t promote Oracle products and then claimed I said that everyone was migrating off Oracle, which anyone with access to a recording can confirm is a falsehood.

Let me be clear: I do not work for Oracle. I don’t speak on Oracle Cloud because I’ve rarely had the opportunity to use it. I don’t insert marketing fluff. I share my experience, my insights, and my truth. A keynote isn’t a sales pitch- it’s a space to open minds, connect with people, and spark the kind of learning that makes the rest of the event land better.

The organizers of the upcoming event stood by me. They had to spend time defending their decision and clarifying the content of my personalized keynote. And while I’m grateful for their support, I’m exhausted that it was even necessary.

Stop Policing Women in Tech

Let’s talk about the deeper problem here. The over-scrutiny of women in tech is real, and sadly, it’s often enforced by other women.  It was several men in the Oracle community – mentors, allies, friends – who stood up for me. The same ones who always have, the ones who saw the bullying tactic for what it was and refused to let it stand.  This doesn’t mean that this individual won’t attempt to deter me from having opportunities in the future. 

This wasn’t a disagreement over content. It was an attempt to control the narrative, to twist arms and influence me with veiled threats and power plays. And honestly? I’m too seasoned for that. I’m not in any program that requires me to present on certain topics. I don’t owe anyone sanitized marketing. And I will not change my message to suit someone else’s discomfort with truth.

This individual is in a powerful position and the issue that truly bothers me is this:  If I give a mediocre keynote address that doesn’t land with the audience, then I don’t deserve to return.  If I receive positive feedback, but I’m not invited back to speak at conferences due to falsehoods pushed by others, then I’ll continue to contribute as a speaker, including keynotes – just not as part of the Oracle community.  I have a clear choice that I’m in control of, and a decision made in collaboration with the event organizers, but not one that I’ll make due to bully influence.

I’ve Learned. I’ve Grown. I’m Not Backing Down.

More than a decade ago, I took a hit for something public while others dealt with it behind the scenes.  I’ve always been a strategic thinker and if I get to the resolution desired, I’m satisfied, but it’s always frustrating when things play out differently than you had hoped.  What I most appreciate about that time is that it was an incredible learning opportunity about trust, integrity, and the importance of doing the right thing.

In 2025, I’m done sugarcoating. If you try to silence me with falsehoods, if you think I’ll bend because you stir up drama, or take the fall for someone else’s bad behavior – I won’t.

What I will do is I’ll hold you accountable.

Because here’s what I know: when I step off a keynote stage and see the line of people waiting to talk-not to congratulate me, but to connect-that’s not about ego. That’s about impact. That’s what a keynote should do. It’s not about saying what’s comfortable. It’s about saying what’s needed.

Yes, I’m back to speaking at an event or two, but not to fight, not to prove myself-but to speak, to build, and to inspire.